Seventy-six-year-old farmer Neil Cooney and 36-year-old Kaitie Nash might seem like a bit of an unlikely pair, but the neighbours have forged an extraordinary friendship that proves opposites attract and age is just a number.
“My friendship with Neil is something special,” said Kaitie. “I’m going to get emotional talking about it. We do have that age difference, but Neil has this ability to lift people up. I feel very valued, seen and heard when I’m around him.”
Neil added, “I truly believe the best communities are when old and young mix together because you’ve got less chance of people becoming isolated.”
Neil, a former shearer whose tough hands show how hard he’s worked in life, grew up in an era where affection wasn’t expressed. “I think and feel they did, but I hadn’t come from a family that told me they loved me,” he said.
“If you feel a connection with someone or suspect there’s a connection there, don’t dismiss it, explore that and see where it leads you,” he said. “You’ve got to tell people what you’re feeling – the good or the bad.”
A no nonsense, humble and respectful man who likely calls a spade a shovel. Neil said he was once a ‘red head with the temperament to match’ but he must’ve mellowed with time. “He’s my best friend, kind and gentle but firm and straightforward. He has a heart of gold,” said Kaitie.
Country life for Kaitie is relatively new. Originally from Perth, she was living in Darwin when she caught the eye of her now husband Will. In 2018, the couple made the decision to move to the farm, neighbours to Neil and wife Annette.
Kaitie was initially excited and optimistic about embracing her new life on the land. Despite the fact she would be making the transition during one of the worst droughts on record, when dust storms were a regular occurrence, and a mouse plague was on the horizon.
“I had two babies; the boys were three and four-months-old, and the motherhood journey, I mean, that’s a whole thing in itself,” said Kaitie. “Days can feel incredibly long and draining.”
“The drought, adapting from having two incomes, we were feeding stock flat out – it was such a toll.”
“And it wasn’t just for our family, it was everyone around us.”
“I was trying so hard to stay positive but the isolation and feeling of loneliness was massive for me because I went from seeing people every day to suddenly having to find a new way to connect.”
“I felt like if I didn’t like it here, it was like, ‘oh, no, you’ve failed’ or ‘you’re not tough enough to survive out here’. So, I had a little bit of pressure on myself as well. I just needed someone to say, ‘It’s okay if you don’t like it here on the farm’ because there were so many challenges.”
That ‘someone’ was Kaitie’s neighbour Neil. “I knew she was sad. I could just tell because she was a different person,” he said.
Neil noticed Kaitie was struggling. “I remember saying, ‘you’ve got to talk to me Kaitie when you feel you can. Annette and I are here, all day, every day even if it’s midnight, call in and talk to us’. Eventually, Katie opened up to me a bit and she just used to chat a bit more and a bit more. And it was like a friendship growing.”
For Kaitie, the terrible time in her life is still a blur. “I don’t remember a lot because I had a foggy mind, I couldn’t really see or hear clearly because it was a pretty dark place. I found it so difficult to speak, to talk about the fact that I needed help, my tongue felt like it was concrete,” said Kaitie.
“There was a day where I was pretty low and Neil said to me, ‘It doesn’t matter what it’s about, it doesn’t matter what time it is we’re here for you and we’ll listen,’” recalled Kaitie. “For me, that was the permission I needed to be able to say, ‘I’m not coping’.”
The support Neil provided Kaitie was invaluable, and he urged her to seek professional help.
“The local GP was incredible, she just got it.”
“Will, as someone who didn’t have any understanding of mental health, the way that he looked after me in that time was amazing, like he did everything,” said Kaitie. “He really is such a good bloke,” added Neil.
Time and the right support have helped Kaitie heal and strengthened her friendship with Neil.
Neil supported Kaitie through her darkest days of depression. And Kaitie, with her young family, brings light, laughter, and fresh ideas to the Cooney household.
“My life now looks completely different to what it looked like then and I think that the way that I look at my life now is I’m so grateful. Although it was a dark time, I’m grateful for it because I can see things so much differently now and especially living in the country, the love that I have for being on a farm. There are so many positives.”